Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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