dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
