I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
