does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
