every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
