Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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