Sober January is a disaster.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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