He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
