Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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