I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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