When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
