Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
