We're facebook friends in real life
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
