ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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