I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
