yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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