I'm gonna have a badass scar
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
someone owes me an orgasm
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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