So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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