At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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