I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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