My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
