You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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