he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
love makes seman taste better
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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