i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
