I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
