If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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