i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
