Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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