some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
