I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
