Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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