That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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