'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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