Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you will always have a special place in my vag
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
