She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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