She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
