Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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