so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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