Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
