He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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