I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
