Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
