sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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