in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
