ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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