hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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