I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
