Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
