On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
