so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
