I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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