I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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