the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
