I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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