I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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