DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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