I want to stick my p in your. b.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
