Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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