And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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