Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
