omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wow bdsm is so cute
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