she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Couch. On fire.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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