Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
